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Humility doesn’t mean being down on yourself. It means knowing who you are, and accepting it. –Jed Brewer

At the Labor Day marathon, I got my rear-end handed to me, finishing in five hours and thirty-six minutes. The crazy thing is, as I stumbled deliriously across that line, I felt more accomplished than I ever have. In fact, it’s been close to two weeks, and I still can’t stop smiling while thinking, “I ran two marathons this year!”

I’ll admit that I was expecting to do just a little bit better (I ran the first half in 2:15!), but is it even possible to express the fact that I’m genuinely okay with my finish? Maybe that’s why I’ve waited so long to write this up. How can I articulate what happened that day? Oh, sure. I could write about the weather or what I ate. I could say how I should have done this, or should have done that, but I don’t want to write those things! I just want to say, I showed up, I did it, and I had a BLAST.

It turns out that besides being quite painful (I wouldn’t recommend it!), a little five-hour jaunt can be good for your perspective. Let me explain. It was right around this time, when I was looking at my watch and wishing I could give up, that an older lady jogged past. As she went, she cheerfully remarked, “Look at us! Even with all of our troubles, we’re still out here, enjoying this beautiful day!” She was right, and I sincerely felt more grateful for my health. Next, an eighty-year-old man smoked me to the finish line. As hilarious as it is, I was pretty awestruck. You see, as he flew past me, I read his shirt: “50 States Marathon Club.” Below the caption, someone had written in sharpie, “x2.” No way! Now, there’s a guy that runs because he loves it. I bet he doesn’t even HAVE a Facebook, Twitter account, or blog, and yet there he is—running in his eighties. Ah, I just love it. And, I love running. I forgot about that for a while because I was so focused on running longer, faster, blah, blah, blah.

Expectations are good, and it’s fun to challenge yourself and meet goals, but maybe you don’t always have to have a goal to feel accomplished. Maybe, you can feel good because you’re doing something you love? Or because you’re healthy enough to do something you love? Maybe, you can feel good about yourself because you know who you are: where you’ve been, where you are now, and what you’d like to try next!

I do have some ideas about what I’d like to try next, but I’m also ready to take some time off. I’ll probably continue to run when I feel like it, but I’m going to do my best to not sign up for any races until I’m feeling rested. The closure I feel now that I’ve finished the ADT is nice, and I don’t want to spoil it! Thankfully, I’m blessed to live in Colorado, and our state’s fall and winter seasons offer any number of adventures to enjoy without running. Until next time, I hope you find a way to enjoy something that you love! Take care, my friends.

There is no respect for others without humility in one's self. 

–Henri Frederic Amiel 

Hardcore Chicken

Labor Day, 2012

The ADT marathon is only two weekends away, and I’m getting butterflies just thinking about it! EEEK! In all honesty, I should start by saying that I did not follow my marvelous plan—at all. Although, I can also honestly say that I tried! I was feeling so low after Colfax, I thought the perfect salve would be a rigid training plan. Unfortunately, as a new marathon runner, I really don’t think I allowed myself the time I needed to recover. You know how the story ends. I didn’t listen to my body, I overtrained, and I derailed my own progress.

Feeling lower than ever sometime in July, I began to seriously question whether or not I had any business trying to run two marathons in a year. It’s been such a mental battle. I still love running, but I have truly developed some type of emotional block. I’m not sure where it stems from, but I don’t like it. It’s just not “me.” (Will a real sports psychologist please stand up?) Anyway, before I delve too deeply into the feel-good, I have to tell you that I’ll be darned if this gets the best of me. Interpretation? I am just crazy enough to run that silly little jog on Labor Day. Truthfully, all credit for this decision should go to my husband, for keeping me going when I couldn’t muster the nerve.

Old Friends

Spouses tend know each other better than anyone else on the planet. And so, when I announced my defeat to the marathon, along with my revised plan to run the marathon RELAY, he didn’t say anything. (This is good because I was still in love-struck stupor over my newest brilliant plan, and I wouldn’t have listened to a word he said anyway.) Later, when I wasn’t expecting it, he made his own announcement; “You’re going to run that marathon,” he said. I was so startled I couldn’t help but laugh! Next, he said something that I really couldn’t argue with: “If you chicken out, you’ll be depressed, and I’m not going to let that happen.”  He pegged me. I had no words. In fact, I think I was so relieved to have someone other than me pushing me that I probably smiled a little.

I have someone else to push me. I think this is the biggest mistake that I made all summer. I was feeling self-conscious, and so I tried to do everything by myself. Sure, I’m disciplined, but without friends, it’s hard to find consistent motivation—especially when you’re burnt out. We all have bad days, and your fellow runners can really make a difference. Also, if you lose touch with your community of runners, it becomes all too easy to be self-satisfied. For example, I was feeling pretty proud of myself for running to work a couple of times (8 miles point-to-point) until I read about another lady on Facebook. She was polishing off NINETEEN miles before work. Inspiring, much??!!

All in all, it’s turning out to be a win-win situation. I didn’t run the volume I had planned, and as a result, I won’t likely have the incredible PB I was hoping to capture; however, I have captured some incredible memories this summer, while learning some very important lessons. I guess some of us just have to learn everything the hard way. There won’t be much “hay in the barn” when I toe that line, but I’ll be there, I’ll be smiling, and I’ll finish. Sounds like a decent plan after all! ;)

**P.S.This is my second year running, and I have to recommend the event! Not only is it well-organized, fun, and affordable, but it also benefits some great organizations within the outdoor/active community!

 http://www.trailsandopenspaces.org/          http://www.pprrun.org/

Today

I held a tiny patient at work today. In spite of tremendous obstacles, he’s here. He’s alive. His parents are thrilled, but anxious. They have no idea what it’s like to be parents, let alone parents of a child with special needs. Having only done this for a week, their eyes are already showing the strain of multiple doctor appointments, special instructions... changes.

For some reason, I’m feeling emotional, and all I want is to hug the mom and tell her the thing you’re never supposed to tell anyone: that it’s going to be okay. But, I don’t know if it will be okay. In fact, I know as well as she does that these kiddos may live extraordinary lives, continually overcoming obstacles and giving joy to all who cross their path, until one day. One day, it’s time, and they go home.

I guess you can’t let your mind go there. I guess you look at each day and do the best you can. I guess you celebrate every milestone… I guess? In reality, I have no idea how these courageous parents and children do it. And what about the siblings who patiently endure those same doctor appointments, special instructions, and changes—from the “passenger” side? How do they do it?

There’s been a lot of talk about healthcare lately. With good reason, politicians, professionals, and constituents are wondering what the future holds. As a student, I can’t help but wonder. What does my future look like? What role will therapists, doctors, nurses, and aides take under the new plan? Will job markets grow or shrink? But, I guess I’m not going there.

The truth is I owe my life to children’s hospitals. I have the scars to prove that someone fought for my life. I also have the parents who, never predicting that their firstborn would be so sick, still get teary-eyed when they see pictures or talk about the trauma of life with a critically ill infant. Maybe that’s why I feel so overwhelmed as I hold this little baby and talk with his mom and dad. Maybe I shouldn’t, but I can’t help but relate to their fears and pains. The choice to love and care for another in the face of uncertainty IS scary. It IS a risk because as cliché as it might sound, tomorrow is not promised.

So, if you want to know what I think about healthcare, I’ll tell you. No matter your role, patient, provider, passenger, there is risk. You’ll face uncertainty, success and loss, but as I hold this tiny life, I’ve never been more sure of anything. It’s worth it.   

I Lost My Mojo!

Photo Credit: Ericka W.

In terms of running, the month of May was pretty busy. Officially, I completed three events in two weekends: The Colfax Marathon, The Color Run 5K, and the Bolder Boulder 10K. Unofficially? All I did was psych myself out. Chalk it up to inexperience or my over-achiever personality, but with each race, my body felt weaker and my pace slowed, leaving me feeling pretty dang low. In fact, for the past week I’ve been moping around like a lost puppy. I tried to revive myself by catching up with a local group, but when push came to shove, I chickened out and logged a few solo miles instead. It would seem that I’ve lost my mojo. No, it’s worse. I’ve lost my mojo and replaced it with “go slow."

Well, of course, I never miss an opportunity to over-analyze anything, so, I’ve been reading and thinking and thinking and reading. I even came across a few articles about reviving your mojo… Hmm. Can’t post any memorable links, but if nothing else, they were certainly good for a laugh! Oh, and I’ve increased my parenting skill! Who knew that self-help articles were excellent maternal resources? For instance, when my three-year-old was wailing dramatically about the fact that she was once again at the dinner table alone (because it takes her 

an hour to eat ½ cup of macaroni), I simply looked deeply into her giant hazel eyes and said calmly, “Sis, it is in your power to change.” (And, it worked. I promise.)

Finally, after an inordinate amount of introspection, I realized that I feel most comfortable branching out from an established base level of fitness. I lost a lot of my weekly miles when my foot started bothering me, and with all the rest, cross training, and events, I never fully got back on track. Consequently, I feel like I am a brand new runner, starting from scratch. It’s discouraging, but at least I have a plan!

My plan includes running more. Ah, I know. Novel. But, if you were me, you’d be wincing at those two words because for the first time in ages, running has become WORK. I can’t just slip on my shoes and go bounding out the door for an easy ten, smiling all the way. I have to mentally prepare and practice discipline to go—even for a quickie. It stinks, but it’s real. Fortunately, so is my resolve.

For my next event (American Discovery Trail Marathon), I’ve decided to go with Hal Higdon’s Intermediate program. I’ve also committed the month of June to building back my miles. I like to try new things and hang out with great people, so it’s been tempting to ignore my weekend runs in favor of something different. At least for now, I’ll need to be a little more rigid with my schedule. Lastly, I’ve  decided to ditch the headphones for my long runs. Music gives me “tunnel-think,” and I miss out on both, the opportunity to listen to what my body is telling me, and the sheer experience of being outdoors.

I’ve less than twelve weeks ‘til my next race, with a potential half somewhere in between. No more feel-good-mumbo-jumbo. It’s time to get to work! ;)  

Choosing to Make A Choice

I have a confession. I sometimes use the Internet as a Magic 8 Ball. In case you are wondering, let me explain to you how it works. You type something into Google like, “Will I get in to PT school?” or “Should I run a marathon?” and then you wait for the answer. COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS! I know. It’s just the honest truth, and putting it out there allows me to stop, laugh at myself, and NEVER DO IT AGAIN! ;)

Our choices aren't always clear-cut!

I’m mostly joking, but I guess the harsh cold reality is this: accepting responsibility for your own choices is intimidating. In fact, I’ve met a lot of people who never get to that place of acceptance, and they continue to shift blame or play the role of victim for their entire lives. I don’t want to be that person, but I also don’t want to be paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong choice. Like it or not, wrong choices are a part of who we are, and if we allow it, they’ll teach us and bring growth and achievement like we’ve never known. This brings me to reason 4,287 why I love running; there are no wrong choices.

I’m convinced that running builds confidence because there really are no wrong choices. For example, if you decide to run 5 miles, and you don’t quite make it, you can simply stop or walk. If you’re feeling good, you can speed up or add distance. The liberty to choose inspires confidence because you see where your mind can take you! Armed with this knowledge, and the incredible support of family, friends, and coworkers, I chose to run the 2012 Kaiser Permanente Colfax Marathon yesterday, in spite of an injury. Ultimately, here’s what I had to do.

I let go. I let go of my expectations, others’ expectations, my time goals, my desire to prove something, etc. and I simply did it. And you know what? I DID IT! I ran a marathon. I ran a marathon completely unprepared in terms of training, with less than three hours of sleep, and a hurt foot. You know why I was able to do it? Because yesterday’s accomplishment had nothing to do with running. As I’ve said in earlier posts, I have the rest of my life to be a runner. There will be dozens of other races and dozens of differing athletic opportunities, but yesterday was my day to make a choice: to make a choice and commit to it whole-heartedly, trusting myself, and believing that I was in control of the outcome.

I just can’t finish this post without a few expressions of gratitude. At the end of the day, no one can run for you; however, I can’t describe to you how wonderful it feels to know that other people believe in you. I would never be the person that I am today, nor would I be the person I am becoming, without the support of so many incredible people. To all those in my life who have the courage to truly live what they believe: thank you. Your actions have spoken louder than your words, and I can only hope I am learning from your example!

Buzz Lightyear Shoes

“Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.” –Eleanor Roosevelt

Buzz. Lightyear. Shoes. That’s what she said. Well, actually she said, “Look daddy--pointing at my green and silver Vibram Five Fingers--Buzz Lightyear shoes!” I nearly died laughing. Out of all the comments, questions, and flat-out stares my shoes have earned me, this particular interaction has had me smiling for weeks. The innocent girl's comment perfectly demonstrates one reason why I LOVE little kids; they have absolutely no tact, and it's adorable. Kids are also surprisingly good when it comes to forming their own opinions, and while I would hope that as adults we have learned to communicate more graciously, I sometimes worry that as a society we are losing our willingness to take a stance. 

For example, I run in VFFs, and it is kind of controversial. Do they look funny? Yes. Are they different than what you see most people wearing? Yes. Does that mean you shouldn't wear them? Not necessarily. Honestly, you should do your own research and form your own opinion, but since so many have asked, I thought I'd share mine: I love them! As a former gymnast, dancer, and diver, I've always liked the connection my feet have with the surface they're standing on, and running in these shoes feels amazing. I am hopelessly, head-over-heels, in-love, addicted to running in them. That's it! No biomechanics lecture here! 

I've jotted a quick summary of my thoughts on the subject, but for any other questions, a simple Internet search will return countless blogs and articles to support both sides of the issue. It's also a good idea to ask your doctor or physical therapist what shoes they recommend, based on your personal gait pattern. Happy Googling!

10 Reasons Why You Should Consider Vibram Five Fingers:

1. They are fun!

2. You will automatically develop a midfoot strike.

3. You will utilize and strengthen muscles in your feet and legs that may not be used in stiffer shoes.

4. You will have amazing control when going downhill.

5. Lacking padding, you can put more miles on them before you have to replace them.

6. You will not have to tie laces.

7. You will not get black toenails from rubbing in the toe box.

8. You will not have the same type(s) of injuries.

9. You can wash them.

10. They are fun!

In case you feel I am a little biased, here are some additional thoughts...

10 Reasons Why You Should AVOID Vibram Five Fingers:

1. You might be too fast.

2. You might look too cool.

3. Your running buddies might be jealous.

4. Your dream guy or girl might fall desperately in love with you. (They are SEXY!)

    

No, but seriously...

5. Your feet might smell like death.

6. You might find out that, in spite of your shoes, you suck at running.

7. You might forget to pick up your feet and shatter a few toenails, toes, your pride, etc.

8. You might pick weeds with your toes. (ANNOYING.)

9. You might get more attention than you would prefer.

10. LASTLY, you might have to make new friends because all you'll want to do is RUN! 

This week, trust yourself enough to be you! (And, here’s a hint: don’t try so hard.)

Completion!

Yesterday, I came face-to-face with the reality of why I run. I run so that a) I can eat cookies, and b) I can take incredible naps. Seriously, it doesn’t get much better! Maybe you aren’t a runner, but you ski or hike or lift weights. Maybe you are reading this and you are one of my crazy CrossFit friends! (You know who you are!) In any case, you know there is something to be said for the sheer and utter exhaustion that comes from intense physical exertion. It just feels GOOD! Equally euphoric is the sense of accomplishment you feel when your body is telling you to quit and your mind is dominating, telling you to go farther, faster.

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to experience all the highs that come with running. After a few days of driving and spending time out of state, I was anxious to spend some of my weekend time in the Colorado outdoors. I was also resolved to redeem myself from an earlier excursion gone wrong. Here’s what happened: a couple of weeks ago I found a running group online and decided to try it out. I had read that a group is a good way to increase your skill, so I thought, “Why not?” (P.S. This is turning out to be an extremely dangerous phrase. Use it with caution!) I was excited by the possibility of meeting new friends and growing in my ability (as it turns out, NO ONE talked to me--ha). Anyway, my first time out I was a little too fast for the “back of the pack” and a little too slow for the leaders. As a result, I got a little, well, lost. Lacking a sense of completion, I set out to run the same route again this weekend. Technically, I got lost again and ended up on a completely different trail, but I also went father than I ever would have planned to go! Additionally, I ended up making some friends and had some incredible conversations with some very inspiring people. Fun! All in all, it was one of those experiences I probably won’t forget. I’m facing some life-changing decisions in my personal world, and taking on the biggest running challenge of my life was the perfect prescription for courage.

There is a reason why we never leave our comfort zones. It hurts! It’s scary. Personally, I’d rather eat cookies and nap… but, as I’m discovering every day, a life of depth is waiting for me. I simply have to go for it! This week, ask yourself, “What gives me courage?” And remember, you’ll never experience the exhilaration of the downhill without the pain of the uphill.

Hard to see in the first photo, but this is a close-up of my "gravity tattoo!" 

Le Chatelier's and Love

You’ve heard the saying, “Some knowledge is more dangerous than no knowledge.” Well, unfortunately, I generally fall into this category. I just love the idea of learning something applicable, so when I learn something, I do my best to apply it! Occasionally, this leads me down rabbit trails, and I find myself daydreaming about things like centrifugal force and the ozone layer or Le Chatelier’s Principle and the Yin and Yang, but for the most part it is a skill that aids me in the retention of information. Bonus! (Did you know that flies can climb walls because of something called the normal force?! Look it up. It’s awesome. I promise.)  Again, the biggest danger lies in knowing enough to develop an idea, but not quite knowing enough to refute errors in my thought process. And, as I’m sure any medical professional will tell you, the proliferation of information available via the Internet only makes matters worse! (C’mon, you know you’ve self-diagnosed yourself with something terminal, at least once!)

Anyway, where am I going with all of this? Well, after ten months of running consistently, I finally had my first real injury. Seemingly out of nowhere, I experienced pain, with swelling and some eventual bruising, in the top of my foot. A quick Google search confirmed everything. I was dying. Definitely dying. Because of a parasite given to me by undercooked pork. No, I’m just kidding, but I WAS convinced that I had a stress fracture, most likely requiring orthopedic surgery and MONTHS off running. The worst part was that I was certain my favorite shoes (something I’ll discuss in a later blog.) were to blame. At this point, I realized how much I really love running. The thought of losing my “escape” was actually painful.  After mentally calculating how a minimum of six weeks would affect my marathon training, and resentfully locating some old swim gear, I finally worked up the courage to consult a few experts, including some awesome PTs and my doctor, who specializes in Sports Medicine. Thankfully, my MD’s official diagnosis was a “stress response,” which, as near as I can tell, is a catchall term for, “Yep, ya hurt yer foot.”

I’ve adapted my training by slowing my pace, slightly reducing my mileage (I only hit 25 last week), and running fewer days. All of this, combined with some icing and occasional anti-inflammatory drugs, and I’m already feeling better. If I'm honest, I’ve already read too much, and there is a part of me that secretly fears a bone snap mid-marathon, but I don’t think that’s rational. Here’s this week’s take-home message: be willing to learn, be willing to adapt, and be willing to accept that the worst-case scenario is not always yours! Have a great week, my friends.

Twenty-Six Point Too Cliché?

I recently read a book outlining two types of insecurity. Basically, there are people whose insecurity drives them to do everything just as others do. We have all known these types of people. They are the "copycats:" those who mysteriously profess to like EVERYTHING we like. Incidentally, the second type of insecurity was a little less-known to me. This type of insecurity manifests itself in the form of "individuality." Included in this group are those who try to do everything DIFFERENTLY. As the firstborn of four siblings, I tend to be fiercely independent with a side of attitude, leaving me prone to the latter type of insecurity. More recently, I have been working to balance my individuality with a willingness to grow. My goal is not to look at others in an effort to copy them, but rather to adopt an outlook that is willing to learn, realizing that it's okay, and even beneficial, to draw inspiration and knowledge from others. It's a humbling process, sure, but what I want is to grow, which means I have to put myself into a place where I CAN grow.

Writing a blog is the first step in my journey. I LOVE to write. It is one of my many passions, and I have always wanted to further my abilities by writing a blog. What held me back was a fear of being cliché. (How many bloggers does the world need, anyway?) Well, I've decided to GROW-up and get over it. Another thing I've always wanted to do is run a marathon. Again, it is an accomplishment I have avoided in an effort to be different. (Yeah, I know. It sounds completely ludicrous.)

My point is that I've spent years letting my fears and insecurities get in the way of my life, and I'm officially TRYING to move forward. Will writing a blog and running a marathon change me completely? Of course not! But, to be perfectly cliché, "You have to crawl before you can run," right? ;) What practical goals can you give yourself in an effort to grow?